Break Through!

For me, food is tightly connected with emotions. Tonight, I had one of my biggest battles with cravings since beginning my healthy eating transformation....a mere three days ago.

I eat to avoid feelings of shame and worry. Tonight I was obsessing about some issues in my life that I have little to no control over. As I began to worry, my desire for food began to increase at a VERY rapid rate! Before eating, I forced myself to talk through each problem out loud. I gave myself some very specific messages peace and trusting God. I prayed. The desire to run to the kitchen has decreased.

Food can no longer give me peace. It can no longer help muffle the worries, doubts and shame. It is time for me to come face to face with my emotions and really address them.

On a lighter note, no pun intended, I actually ate 5 servings of fruits and vegetables today! That has to be a first ever! I like to imagine the cells in my body looking and acting like really beaten down construction workers. In my mind, they are trying to identify vegetables they haven't seen in over 20 years. "Earl! Look at this thing! Is that a cucumber? Go get Bob. He's got to see this!"

Great food: Greek yogurt mixed with hidden valley dry ranch mix. It is so dang good with carrots and cucumbers!

Living on a plan, we'll make it I swear!

I joined Weight Watchers Saturday morning! My WW counselor was curious as to why I had joined over 15 times in the past and not stayed with the program. After a short discussion, we realized that the scales are a huge problem for me.

When I am 'eating healthy' I weigh myself around 7 times a day. I become obsessed with the dropping numbers. When the scales don'e reflect loss as quickly, I begin to get worried, frustrated and many times quit my plan. If the results are amazing, I experience a false sense of security and have a little too much 'treat yourself'.

So, no more weighing myself during the week! I will wait until my meeting on Saturday. Each day my goal is to eat a reasonable amount of healthy food within my plan. That is a big deal for me! On Saturday morning I had a plate of nachos for breakfast and snacked on two chocolate filled Shilpley's donuts as I drove to my meeting! I know, they are delicious!! This change is big. I told my counselor the only reason I was there was because I had told people I would join on my blog. She gave me sticker (which said Bravo!) I placed it on my chest to cover a melted cheese stain.

Signing up!

As it goes with any beautiful house, successful battle or vacation destination, a plan is necessary. To this point, my goals are a little broad. I am a person that has to have boundaries, goals, limits and accountability. Today I will join Weight Watchers. Here are the pros and cons:

Cons:
The leader tends to make me a little crazy, especially when there is singing.
It gets old talking about how to make a healthier potato salad with 70 people.
There is always someone taking up meeting time adding up points from some big casserole.

Pros:
Healthy
No food limitations (except portions)
Jennifer Hudson will probably be at the meeting singing, "If You Only Believe".

I really did want to just eat less and move more, however the eat less part is turning into 'eat whatever the heck you want'.

Today I will join Weight Watchers, move more and get a pep talk from a Weight Watchers leader dressed as a piece of whole grain bread.

Getting the word

A couple of weeks ago I noticed an article that explained the power of one singe word. The author talked about choosing a word for the year. As I read the article, I was reminded of a few conversations with colleagues who had already chosen their word for the year. One had talked about the sweetness of doing nothing and had selected nothingness. The other spoke of blessings and living a life of gratitude. After reading the article, I began to ask others.

My husband has a word for the year, faith. I was visiting with a friend just last night and her word was obedience. There is a wonderful writer that has a child at our school and her word is light. Now I'm beginning to feel left out! Each person I have talked to has said the word came to them. They did not choose it. So, here I am, needing a word. I think it would help on my journey to thin. So far I have a few words that seem to be popping up in my life. Could there be one for me?

Words:
consistent - I think this is lame and not inspiring.
family - Great word, still thinking
contentment - This is a word used by my husband to keep me from spending money.
Nachos - I know. But I have been thinking about them a lot.
Resentment - Lacks that positive spin.

So, today I will move more, eat less, control those afternoon snacks and finally pray to receive a word for the year.

The Voice

When I begin a journey of change, my 'old' self throws a complete tantrum. My mind uses everything from stress, exhaustion, pity, fear, coupons, guilt and cravings to pull me back into my poor daily eating habits. Before I know it, the regime is back in charge and I am to be found at my favorite Mexican eatery downing chips and queso while sloshing salsa all over myself.

I have met my goal of moving more today. I was eating less until my 'after school snack' which turned into my dinner. The witching hour for me is from 3:00 - 7:00. If I could just be unconscious during those hours, I'd be at my perfect weight!

My goals for tomorrow: Move more, eat less, plan for afternoon hunger and devise a counterattack for the me that is not quite ready for change.

Why do you want to lose weight?

Thanks for joining me on this journey. You are my accountability!

At some point in almost every single day of my life I say, "I need to go on a diet." My emphatic declaration is usually met with silence from my husband. He will sometimes venture out with a, "Well?". He motions over to our book shelf with a collection of diet books that could rival a Barnes and Noble weight loss section.

Sometimes I make my daily comment to a new audience. This is usually met with, "No you don't!" That is sweet and ridiculous. But my favorite response comes from the person who thinks I need to get it right before I start. "Why do you think you need to diet?" I used to fall for this trap. I would talk about being beautiful, looking hot, wearing my tight jeans. All of these answers were rejected.The all knowing guru would reply, "Well, those aren't good reasons! Don't do it for your looks. Do it for your health."
I'm no longer a victim to that. When asked now I say, "My blood pressure is too high, I am borderline diabetic, I slowly collapsed a lawn chair last week and I can no longer make it up a flight of stairs without oxygen." The response is usually the same, "Well, then how do you plan to do it?" Ugh.

This is my plan. I would like to eat less and move more. This will get more complicated. It will be more about numbers and percentages. There will be more goals and more ideas. I just need to wake up tomorrow with the simple phrase eat less, move more. And in that, there will be hope.